Pandelerium...
Ladies and Gents, after many months of silence on my part, the MA review is back. For those of you that are further out from my loop, I have been in an epic struggle with my nemesis the USMLE for the past 5 months and have not had the presence of mind to write. My life has passed quite slowly and nothing could be deemed writable anyway, unless you would like to read about Tsutsugamushi fever and the like. This is a war of attrition against this obstacle in my life, filled with thousands of trivial facts and whoever loses nerve first will fail. He's a crafty fiend that USMLE, but in the end I will emerge victorious because he.... is just a test.
In the meantime, I have moved into my third year (final year in Israel) and onto the hospital wards. This has been my inspiration for writing to you.... the absolute insanity of a hospital wing. People in general are strange enough, but when we group their tired, poor, and huddled masses together we get one thing.... pandelerium (one of my favorite made-up words to describe odd and sometimes funny chaos). If a medical student learns anything in his third year it is that interacting with patients only compounds the difficulty of medicine. The following is an example of a typical patient interview (keep in mind that this discussion in my broken Hebrew and a mix of other languages from the neighboring beds):
Me: Good morning. How are you feeling this morning Mr. Johnson?
Mr.J: Eh!? What?
Me: I SAID HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
J: No, I already had an X-ray.
Me: I SAID HOW... nevermind. My name is Tanner. I'm a medical student here and I need to take some blood and ask you a few questions. OK? Good.... What brought you to the hospital?
J: An ambulance, what do think brought me here!?
Me: I mean, why did you have to come to the hospital?
J: Oh... I have this pain in my pinky, but I'm really alright.
M: (confused) Your pinky finger? That's it? I see. Let me ask you a few questions....
(Begin long and exhaustive interview)
M: Well, Mr. Johnson from what you are telling me... you should be going home soon. Let me just check you out with a quick physical...
(Physical Exam)
M: Erm.... Mr. Johnson... Has your belly button always been the size of a grapefruit? Has your heart always sounded like a machine gun? And what about the purple and green polka-dots all over your chest, does that raise any concern for you?... Any little red flags going up with that? Any at all?
J: Oh, I forgot to mention that. But my pinky really hurts... Fix it.
M: Sigh....
SO as you can see folks, people are indeed strange. Sometimes I feel like this is veterinary medicine and I am the poor guy walking around asking horses where they hurt. With some patients a one way trip out to the pasture sounds very tempting, but I guess treating even the oddest of people gives hope to all of us.... even me. I have only one request.... if I ever get sick, put me out to pasture.
In the meantime, I have moved into my third year (final year in Israel) and onto the hospital wards. This has been my inspiration for writing to you.... the absolute insanity of a hospital wing. People in general are strange enough, but when we group their tired, poor, and huddled masses together we get one thing.... pandelerium (one of my favorite made-up words to describe odd and sometimes funny chaos). If a medical student learns anything in his third year it is that interacting with patients only compounds the difficulty of medicine. The following is an example of a typical patient interview (keep in mind that this discussion in my broken Hebrew and a mix of other languages from the neighboring beds):
Me: Good morning. How are you feeling this morning Mr. Johnson?
Mr.J: Eh!? What?
Me: I SAID HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
J: No, I already had an X-ray.
Me: I SAID HOW... nevermind. My name is Tanner. I'm a medical student here and I need to take some blood and ask you a few questions. OK? Good.... What brought you to the hospital?
J: An ambulance, what do think brought me here!?
Me: I mean, why did you have to come to the hospital?
J: Oh... I have this pain in my pinky, but I'm really alright.
M: (confused) Your pinky finger? That's it? I see. Let me ask you a few questions....
M: Well, Mr. Johnson from what you are telling me... you should be going home soon. Let me just check you out with a quick physical...
M: Erm.... Mr. Johnson... Has your belly button always been the size of a grapefruit? Has your heart always sounded like a machine gun? And what about the purple and green polka-dots all over your chest, does that raise any concern for you?... Any little red flags going up with that? Any at all?
J: Oh, I forgot to mention that. But my pinky really hurts... Fix it.
M: Sigh....
SO as you can see folks, people are indeed strange. Sometimes I feel like this is veterinary medicine and I am the poor guy walking around asking horses where they hurt. With some patients a one way trip out to the pasture sounds very tempting, but I guess treating even the oddest of people gives hope to all of us.... even me. I have only one request.... if I ever get sick, put me out to pasture.
posted by Medpilot at 5:36 PM
2 Comments:
Man, Tanner! Sounds like quite the epic adventure!
Life's pretty crazy in the AZ - haven't been dealing with any grapefruit sized belly buttons, but..
Glad to know things are going well with you!
Amen brother! From one medical student to another - there is nothing that helps you to understand the insanity of the human race like interacting with a ward full of sick people!
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